


Hold me through the darkness

by strawberlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Leaving, M/M, Pain, Swearing, i seriously dont know what to tag, lying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 07:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberlarry/pseuds/strawberlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hate your fucking guts, and I never want to see your cheating ass face again. But being the chivalrous man I am, I decided to tell you to take care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoyyy :)
> 
> Next chapter will be up asap!:)

“Go fuck yourself,” I muttered acidly.

My heart was beating erratically in my chest, clenching tightly with every ragged breath I took. I stepped back. watching him through teary eyes. I held back the sobs that were threatening to take over me, and instead, swiftly turned around and headed towards the front door. My knees became weak and I resisted the urge to just curl up in a ball and cry when I saw a smug looking Rebecca standing at the door way, mouthing the words that had my knees buckling.

_‘I told you so’_

+++

Harry gripped onto the pen, staring down sadly at the five pieces of paper, contemplating on what to write. Harry knew that once he wrote these letter’s, that was it. Instead of placing the pen down and shaking his head at his own idiocy, he launched into writing a very detailed piece on why he was leaving. He wouldn’t deny the word _‘Louis’_ was used in most sentences.

+++

_Nialler x_

_I don’t want you to be sad yeah? You’re the light of the band, and I expect you to keep everyone together and happy. I’m sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye, but i’ve always been one for running away from my problems and whatnot. I don’t know if you know, but Louis and I broke up. I should have figured he would do what he did to Eleanor to me. I was naive to think I was the reason he left her. I know now he just loses interests in his affairs too fast. So Nialler, I’m counting on you to keep the band bubblegum pop and not hard ass rock metal._

_Love you, H. x_

_Zaynn! x_

_C’mon man, I know you, I bet your glaring angrily while reading this and I’m sorry. I was just done you know? I can’t be in a band with him anymore. His smiles and laughs are for someone else now and I can’t handle it like i thought I could. I realise now how fucked up I was to let Louis cheat on Eleanor with me. I know what Eleanor must feel like because I’m experiencing it now and it’s completely heartbreaking. I’m hoping that one day I can apologize to her. I don’t want to drag this on for too long so I love ya’ mate._

_Love H. x_

_Paynee :)_

_You take care of Niall for me yeah? Keep him happy and cheerful and just leprechauny. I miss you bud. Them heart to hearts we had after Louis and I broke up really helped. It was you who made me realise I did nothing wrong. It was him who was just being himself I guess. I have a plane to catch so take care bro._

_Love H. x_

_Louis._

_Dating or not I still think I should write you a letter. Mostly due to the fact we were in a band together. I want to ask why. Why wasn’t I enough? I know now that you just tend to move on quite a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I still love you but at the same time I hate your fucking guts and I never want to see your cheating ass face again. But being the chivalrous man I am I decided to tell you to take care._

_With anger, Harry._

Harry may have cried while boarding his jet, hoping for Louis to magically arrive with a fucking horse and carriage while proclaiming his undying love for him.

Harry also may be off his rocker. **_'Jack Daniels'_ ** tends to do that to a person.

His head felt lighter and he thought aloud,

_“Yeah, this can become a regular thing.” All while downing a bottle of cheap wine._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess Harry get’s pissed of his nut and Louis’ having some fun in the sack.
> 
> (ignore me) I actually like the way this book jumps and shit. If you don’t, I’M SORry. AND THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT BC I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO WRITE IM SORRY LOVE ME.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like hi :)

What you think and what you say are completely different things to Harry.

He tells them he's strong; a big boy, who can deal with his own issues,  
  
Whereas he thinks he's ready to burst into uncontrollable sob.

He tells them through parted, chapped lips that he doesn't need them,

When really he wants them to hug him while he cries pathetically into their chests. He's losing his sanity with each love bite he see's through a shitty phone screen , and with each bottle of cider that slides down his burning throat. He's a walking contradiction, a hot mess, he knows's that.

He just tends to not acknowledge it. Ever

+++

Harry reckons Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is so sweet and pure, the second is intimate and reassuring, and the third is where it just becomes a habit; you’re addicted immediately, no escape.

So yeah, maybe Harry has a few new friends, that inconveniently have the same name as different alcoholic beverages, and yeah, Harry might visit them every hour or so.

He’s swaying back and forth in an expensive hotel suite, ‘wrecking ball’ blasting out of the speakers that were located in the right corner. An easy smile slips onto his lips as he shreds out of his clothing that was suffocating him. All images of Louis’ chest covered in love bites began to leave his head, making his whole body feel lighter. He felt like superman, his head was floating, and he was soaring. In that moment, anything felt possible.

If He wanted, he could stretch and touch the moon, because anything was possible, and it felt fucking damn cool.

He giggled drunkenly as he pulled his phone from the small table to his left, before he let the phone drop to the floor because the screen just had to be small as shit, and Harry was in no mood to squint. Everything was fuzzy.

Five minutes later, he was passed out on the floor, naked.

The maid would deny ever entering to change the bed sheets.

+++

 

Louis sat down on his bed, thinking hard.

_What the fuck did I do?   I moved on.   Why is that such a crime?_

But Louis knew, he knew what was wrong about leaving Harry. He wouldn’t deny he had feelings for Rebecca because he did, but Harry still held a piece of his heart, and it makes him awfully confused, because what if he made the wrong decision. What if one day he wants Harry back, but can’t get him because he’s a selfish ass prick who just has to move on all the damn time.

Rebecca entered the room wearing a short black skirt and a white blouse that was unbuttoned all the way down to the valley in between her breasts. Louis felt a small smirk grace his full cherry lips as he eyed her up and down.

 _And no_ , He didn’t make the wrong decision, was what he thought as Rebecca placed herself between his thighs.

+++

Harry’s head was pounding, and his vision was blurry and he felt like utter shit. His throat was screaming for the bottle of whiskey he left up on the bedside table, so Harry complied, and sat up, he waited a few seconds before he rose shakily to his feet, stumbling to his room and finishing the whiskey happily.

“Yeah room service, I was wondering if I could have about three more bottles of that whiskey, yeah that would be sick. Thanks,” Harry slurred lazily into the hotel phone.

He didn’t even realise he slipped into a deep slumber until someone from behind the door screamed ‘room service’

Harry attempted to make himself look presentable, but his hair was splattered messily across his face, sticking up in so many different directions he lost count. His face was a pasty white colour- he was paler than normal, and it was very noticeable. And let’s not get started on the way his eyes carried big bags under them or the disgusting stench coming from his mouth. He couldn’t fix himself up, but at least he had the modesty to throw on a plain white baggy top and a pair of joggers he found lying beside the door.

Yeah, and so what if Harry invited the girl from room service to join him and help him forget about his ex-lover.

And so what if Harry had fun with her again in the morning before she hastily left his room, cheeks tinted pink.

Harry fell back on his bed, groaning loudly. This wasn’t the same Harry that checked in two weeks ago. This Harry couldn’t even last an hour without having to down some sort of alcoholic drink.

So Harry decided this wasn’t his fault, _oh no_ , It was _Louis’_ fault.

It was _Louis Tomlinson’s_ fault for breaking his fucking heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like comment yeah?
> 
> (please excuse my shitty writing bc this isn't edited bc i'm a lazy fucker who needs sleep)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's trying to avoid the boys while they are desperate to know if he's okay.
> 
> (really short again sorry ily)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii. Quick updates, short chapters. I'm sooo sorry, srsly I am. Like I write this and am like jesus. I really need to write more, but all the books I've wrote on wattpad are in someone's POV, and I really wanted to try to write this in 3rd person. So yeah, sorry bout' that.
> 
> p.s not proof read bc i need sleep and will edit the fuck out of this when I can function properly.

You could say Harry was one of the most fortunate men out there, he on the other hand, would beg to differ. So what if he has the money, the fame, and all the glory and achievements other people would only dream of having.

  
That's not what a person needs though, they need happiness and love, which is something Harry has been lacking for the last year or two.

Of course he had his mum, but only now did he actually have time to see her. Harry could go home and be welcomed by loving smiles and warm hugs, although, he was ashamed of himself. He was a mess, and he didn't want his mother seeing him like that. It would destroy her. He could imagine himself stumbling through the front door, drunk off his ass, in the early morning, and seeing his mum sitting out the couch silently, tears streaming down her face in disappointment. It made Harry shiver. All he has ever wanted was to make his family proud, which is what he had been doing, up until now.

The last few days have been going in a downwards spiral, all because of  _him._

Images of Louis kept on flashing in his head, which repeated to break his heart.

_Was he with Rebecca now? Is the thinking about me? Does he miss me?_

_  
_Harry missed Louis, so much, it sometimes physically hurt to breath, but there was no way in hell Harry was going to crawl back to that lying scumbag. To Harry, it felt impossible to ever move on, but the more rational part of his brain new he would, he just needed to try and move on, which is easier said than done.

  
Harry lay back on his bed, just staring up at the white ceiling emotionless. A bottle of vodka in his left hand, and in his right was a phone number the girl downstairs gave him once she moved herself away from in between his legs.

  
His phone had been going off constantly for about an hour or so, but he continued to ignore it. He wasn't in the mood to talk, nor be shouted at.

  
The constant vibrations from the bedside table were driving him mad, he was tempted to just shove his phone out of his balcony window, maybe then he'd get some time to just mourn in misery.

+++

  
"Why isn't he answering his fucking phone?" Snarled Zayn.

  
Niall rubbed at his neck nervously from across the room, his eyes darting back from Liam who would muttering a bunch of nonsense worriedly, then at Louis who was sitting down on the floor, glaring at his shoes, and then back to Zayn who was pacing back and forth, one hand tugging at his hair, the other pressing his phone tightly to his ear.

  
"Maybe he's just sleeping?" Niall suggested quietly, earning a scoff from Louis, who then received a gently, but warning punch on the shoulder by Liam.

  
"Yeah Niall," Zayn started sarcastically, "Harry has been sleeping for _three fucking_ days!"  
Niall turned away from Zayn, shooting his a swift eye roll before turning to face the window.

"C'mon guys," Liam soothed, "This isn't about us, it's about making sure Harry is doing alright."

  
"M'sure he's fine," Louis whispered.

  
"You," Zayn growled, "I don't want to hear a _fucking peep_ out of you. I love you man, really I do. But this shit is your fault."

  
Louis eyes widened, filling with sadness, "What-I no. Harry over-reacted."

  
"Did he?" Liam interjected. "You _cheated_ on him Louis. Then _dumped_  him. That's harsh and to do that to your best mate, I'm sorry but you crossed a line that should not have been crossed."

  
Louis tipped his head back and huffed, "I'm sorry okay? I love Rebecca, and yeah, maybe I have a few feelings for Harry but they're not strong! I didn't want to lead him on. I know I shouldn't have cheated on him, and I'm sorry. I feel like fucking shit, so please, can you all just back the fuck up, and we can go and try to find Harry."

  
Louis' rant left the rest of the boys shocked, _which yeah_ , made Louis bubble with pride inside.

Louis pulled out his phone, dialling Harry's number, groaning lowly when it went to voicemail after a few minutes.

  
"Harry? You need to answer alright? The boys are flipping shit over here, they need to know what's wrong so call them back okay?"

  
He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and slide down the wall, he looked at all the boys expressions, they were heartbreaking.

This was _so_ his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha. Hope you enjoyed this oh so shitty chapter.
> 
> pLEASE BE AWESOME AND LEAVE A COMMENT(pls make it nice ily ily)
> 
> byeeeee :) x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe, just maybe Louis really did make a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm... hi? long time no update hUH. oops. ily.

Harry slopped down the side of the plain wall, taking in the sight in front of him. It didn’t look right. Harry missed the pile of bottles that lay everywhere, they somehow calmed him, but stupid maid had to come in and clean.

 _Might as well start over again_. Harry thought darkly.

Harry stretched, causing his bones to crack in protest. He reached for the hotel telephone.

“I want some more alcohol sent up to my room. Doesn’t matter what is it, just make sure the beverages are strong.”

“Actually sir, me and my colleagues think you have had too much to drink over your stay. I’ll have to decline your request.”

“Listen here,” Harry growled, “I wasn’t _‘requesting’_ , I was demanding. So bring me my fucking drinkand I’ll give you a few hundred pounds as a tip, alright?”

“Alright sir.” He muttered quietly, causing a satisfying smile to spread across my face.Instead of replying. I hung up, leaning back against the wall, desperate to distract myself from the burning in my throat.

A gentle knock snapped me out of my dreary state. I lazily rose to my feet, a grin slowly etching on my face in anticipation.

I swung the door open, greeting the alcohol with open arms.

“Here you go, sir,” The unknown man said nervously. I eyed him up and down.

And thought _, yeah, he would do._

“Wanna pop in for a drink or two?” I spoke gravelly. I smirked when a saw a small blush spread across his cheeks.

“I guess, my shift actually finishes in two minutes so yeah, that would be nice.”

 _Very nice indeed_.

 

+++

 

“Zayn calm the fuck down!” Niall screeched, “We all just need to take a few deep breaths, call management and we can work from there.”

Once the words escaped Niall’s slightly parted lips, he shrunk back, his courage slowly slithering away until it would seem like it wasn’t even there in the first place.

“Niall’s right,” Liam spoke up. “We should call management, and get their idea on what we should do.”

Louis swallowed audibly, “I think maybe we should call Harry one more time? Maybe he was just in the shower?”

“Or maybe he hates your fucking guts,” Snapped Zayn.

Louis frowned, hurt shining in his eyes before he recoiled, realising that he probably deserves this harsh treatment.

Instead of replying, Louis fished out his phone from his pocket.

Louis’ eyes widened in shock as his call actually got accepted.

“Hello?” A husky- an _unknown_ husky voice sighed into the phone.

“Who the fuck is this?” Louis snarled.

“Nick. Who’s this?”

“None of  your fucking concern mate. Where’s Harry?”

“In the shower… I’m actually away to join him.”

“Like hell you are,” Louis said, shaking with anger. “Leave. Fucking leave.”

“No? Harry promised me another round.”

Louis’ heart may have cracked, not that it should have.

 _He was happy. He was happy._  He chanted to himself.

“No,” Louis whispered, “No.”

“Umm… yes. Look bye.”

“Don’t you dare touch h-”

 _“Your call has been disconnected.”_ was repeated over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [urban chants]
> 
> comment comment comment.
> 
> No like seriously, please? Alsooo, I love every single one of you readinnggg. This book is nearing an end, and I really wish I just made this a one shot sigh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hear that? It's the sound of yet another heart shattering to unfixable pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMMMmmm. ANOTHER UPDATE IN ONE DAY CAN I GET A HELL YEs. 
> 
> Okay, so a few chapters left. aWW.

 

Harry scratched the back of his neck nervously, "So like, you wanna swap numbers or summat?"

"That would be cool." Nick grinned. Nick knew that Harry wasn't completely  _in too_ him, but that's not to say he never would be, if Nick played his cards right, he might actually find love in one of the most perfect human beings out there. _  
_

Once they swapped numbers, Harry packed his bags. He was ready to face the boys, ready to except that Louis and him were over. They had been without each other romantically long before they actually broke up, Harry reckons that  is probably why he is dealing with this better than he thinks he should be, don't get him wrong, he's positively destroyed, but not at his breaking point- yet.

"Look," Harry muttered, "I'm not offering you a relationship or any of that shit. Maybe just casual meet ups and hook ups?"

"Like friends with benefits?"

"Kinda. Where 'bouts do you live?"

"Near Tesco,  beside the highway, y'know, beside burger king."

"That's like a five minute drive from my house," Harry smirked. "I'll call you tonight yeah?"

"Okay bye."

"Bye," Harry smirked, pressing his lips to Nick's.

+++

"Harry," Niall shouted, relief lacing his tone. He pounced forward, enveloping Harry into a tight hug.

When Niall finally pulled back, he smacked Harry across the back of his head.

"The fuck Niall?" Harry growled. "That hurt."

"Good!" Niall exclaimed. "You scared the shit out of us. We've all been freaking out. Zayn's being a total twat because he's freaking out, Liam's just compartmentalising, trying to be all rational to keep himself calm, and Louis officially flipped shit when a guy called Nick answered the phone yesterday."

"Where are they all?"

"Next door, C'mon." Niall grimaced.

 Zayn literally pounced on Harry as soon as he stepped through the threshold. 

"You're a dick you know that? I was worried shitless!"

"Missed you too man," Harry laughed.

Liam stared stonily at Harry," Next time tell me where you go okay?" Liam said softly, his glare slowly disintegrating into a warm, welcoming smile.

"Harry," Louis acknowledged, seething.

"Louis," Harry snapped right back.

"What's stuck up your arse?" Louis said bitterly.

"Nothing yet, but later on, hopefully Nick's dick."

"Shut the fuck up," Louis screamed, raising to his feet. 

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"You know what Louis, go fuck your slut because honestly, I can't be bothered with you and your pissy attitude."

"Well I can't be bothered with you," Louis shouted.

"Good thing we aren't dating now then!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No like yeah, comment, and ily so yeah bye :)


End file.
